The Alchemy of Empathy: Transforming Empathy Into Compassion

Let’s get witchy with our empathy…

Alchemy, a precursor to chemistry, was originally based around the process of transforming base metals into precious ones, like gold or silver or turning them into some kind of universal elixir.

The idea behind spiritual alchemy is that we are working toward a new state of awareness, a kind of peace or harmony within and without.

It got me thinking about how we can transform empathy into compassion. But why would we want to do that? What’s wrong with empathy?

Absolutely nothing is the answer to that one.

Empathy is what allows us to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s just that when we are in a constant state of empathy, as many HSP and empaths are, it can be exhausting. Continuously feeling for everyone and everything around us is not sustainable. We can get so worn out feeling all our own stuff and then feeling everything everyone around us is feeling too. It’s too much for one psyche, one nervous system, one body.

That’s where compassion comes in. Compassion allows us to feel with. It’s like empathy, but with a boundary.

Imagine this transformation as a four-step process.

1. Begin with the prima materia. We can think of empathy as the prima materia, or base matter, as the starting point in the alchemical process. We have to start with empathy so we can understand how someone else is feeling. This awareness is the gateway into authentic compassion. As empaths we can drop into empathy automatically without realizing it, so we have to practice slowing down and Identifying when we’re in an empathic state.

Implementing body scans and mindfulness practices can help you to know when you are feeling deeply empathic—they also can let us know when we’re holding some prima materia and that it might be time to do some alchemy.

2. To move from empathy to compassion we must acknowledge where we end and the other person begins. We must differentiate from the other, remembering we are two separate beings. We do this by first noticing what empathy feels like for you.

What are you feeling for the other person? What is your sensate experience (all the ways you take in information like body sensations, emotions, thoughts, images) telling you about what they are experiencing? Then ask yourself, what of this is theirs (what you are feeling empathy around) and what of it is yours (places you might be feeling activated in response to this empathic state).

3. Introduce your mind to empathy. Compassion is a more cognitive experience and it allows for an emotional response (vs. reaction) to a person or situation. When we can hold onto our mind and the empathy we are integrating the materials in a new way, transforming them into something more powerful.

First, give yourself permission to move into a compassionate place. Compassion is not less caring than empathy, it’s just less intense. By being less intense, it actually leaves us with some energy and mental clarity to take action if need be. If we are in a fused state of empathy with someone all the time, with no separation between us, it’s as though we are one and it can be really difficult to know how to help, if that’s something we feel called to do. Understanding the power and value of compassion will help you give yourself permission to practice it.

Then see if you can hold onto all of these parts: the empathic understanding, the acknowledgement of our separateness and the compassionate response. Let go of the intensity and the idea that you have to suffer exactly as someone else does in order to be in humanity together. There can be arrogance in empathy when we believe we have more power to effect change more than the person who experiences it. A compassionate response acknowledges their power and allows us to help where we can without losing ourselves in the process.

4. Practice and practice some more.

What would it look like if we could operate from compassion while also maintaining healthy boundaries? Would this allow you to show up more fully for both yourself and others?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this—leave a comment below!